Broken Bella Donna

{July 15, 2011}   Feeling rotten.

I feel really, really crap. Having lots of problems with my spazz attacks lately.

In fact for some odd reason, the idea of blogging has been causing minor ones which is massively disappointing, as I’ve recently used blogging as a way to sort through problems and feel better. So for this to start being a trigger? I’ve completely lost control.

That is what is causing me so much distress at the moment. For the last ten years or so, I’ve had a fairly reasonable handle on things. I have understood my issues, and have been able to work around them and successfully hide most problems. but for some reason these last… christ… I’d say three months (but possibly much longer if I really think about it) that handle has broken.

Generally I can rid myself of these spazz attacks by removing myself from the trigger. The unfortunate thing ATM is I cannot do this. Which is causing them to grow, and grow, and evolve into something nasty. Often, the worse I feel on the evening of whatever, the less likely I am to feel shit on the day. You see, the trigger of my spazz attacks is often simply expectation. Over thinking is often the bane of my existence. I’m praying this to be the case this time.

Ugh. I’m so tired of feeling like this. Please go away.


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