Broken Bella Donna

{October 16, 2011}   The weirdest feeling

Having a weirdly, strangely Dr Seuss-y kinda time.

Things just feel so odd at the moment, a variety of different combative feelings.

A voluntary committment I’m involved with is at its peak at the moment. Feeling a bit spazz-attacky about the whole thing, but that’ll pass soon as it’s over. I seem to have gone backwards back into a rut with my spazz attacks, and I don’t know how to fix this. Some say to just keep plugging away at it until your brain re-wires but it’s hard to do that when these things come up so rarely. So I’ll make do. I’m frustrated that this topic seems to come up nearly every blog post… but that realistically portrays just how much it dictates my life.

Lately, I’m hungry but I look at food and my stomach lurches. That’s how I roll. Food is sustenance, but also a missile to be used if I start to spazz.

Anyway, not all is bad!

I’m having a strange time of it with the opposite sex also. I was told yesterday that someone I used to be friends with (but no longer speak to) was very close to professing his adoration to me a few years ago, which freaked me out. Because he’s old enough to be my father. I was told this by a mutual friend who I am starting to get to know, who I kinda get the feeling is semi interested, and also reasonably senior to me.

And then there’s That Guy. He has a girlfriend, which is at contrast with the way he behaves around me. Perhaps he’s very gentlemanly and likes to talk to me because I’m closer to his age than some. But I kinda get the feeling otherwise. Shame about his bloody girlfriend!!!

As usual, nearly all of my trials are about men and spazz attacks. Grrr. I wish I had a friend to rant all this to and get some feedback.


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