Broken Bella Donna

{October 24, 2011}   Hoppity hop.

I still feel like Alice down the rabbit hole.

I just feel so damn weird. I can’t remember if this happened the last time I was having big problems with spazz attacks or not.

On edge, a constate state of slightly agitated. Almost twitchy. I may as well start taking ice, I feel like I’m on drugs anyway without any of the highs. In saying that I’ve never taken drugs,  so what do I know? Everything feels like an opportunity to become tense.

I need to scale back life and revert back into my shell until I feel brave enough to venture forth again. This is the problem. I’m kinda over committed to too many things, things I have big holidays from and then start again. The issue is now I’m into the holiday section of them and this gives me time to allow the fear to fester… meaning when it starts again I’m going to be stupid stressed. But I just don’t know how to get out of it without looking like a twat?

And feeling worried, it makes everything else around me so much bigger.

I got abused by someone on facebook last night, a fake account of someone I’m pretty sure I know in real life. I can’t understand why they attacked me like this – I suspect I know who they are. And this person has always given me the vibe of disliking me. I just can’t understand why they attacked like they did. It’s a little distressing. What did I do to deserve that?

The more you stick your neck out to help others and do things in a community, the more you get your head cut off.

I just have no idea, I really don’t. I’m tired of being stressed right now, I’m tired of my life. And my life isn’t even a bad one… I’m just… over being me right now.


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