Broken Bella Donna











{January 6, 2012}   Frustrating

It’s very annoying when your own mother can spend time with other peoples kids, and gush about how clever they are, how talented, blah blah. And yet she can’t bring herself to say anything positive about her own children – neither when they were young, nor as adults.

I do not like the fact you refuse to even taste my cooking and yet complain when someone else adds pepper to yours, citing that they didn’t even give it a chance before assuming it wasn’t tasty enough.

I do not like the fact than when caught out in conversation as being wrong, you lie instead of admitting it.

I do not like the fact that – just now, literally as I type – you have proven both of the aforementioned points by throwing out half of what I cooked you, and when called out on it you lied about it and tried burying it under other scraps so I couldn’t see.

I do not like the fact that you criticise me to anyone that will listen; I’m a crap pet owner, I would make a poor mother, I’m not as thin as I think I am.

I do not like the fact that as I get older, and speak with other relatives I’m discovering that your past is a lie, one that you’ve dramatised to make yourself out to be hard done by, when it really wasn’t that bad.

Mostly? I do not like the fact I’m living in fear that I may well turn into you.

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nawkfuts says:

The fact that you realize that she is how she is is huge. I have the same feelings concerning my father. It’s a constant battle for me to not be like him. A battle that I think I am winning. However, I feel cheated that I don’t have the type of relationship with my father that other guys have with their dads. I view him as a friend or acquaintance and not a role model, confidant or guide. How bloody sad is that?

Bella… I feel what you feel. It’s not a good feeling. But… it is what it is… you have choices… you can go with the flow and let the cycle continue (not now or ever been your style I think) or you can be the bigger person and do what you know is the right thing.

Thanks for writing about this. It touched a nerve with me.

Hugs



Nawk 🙂 Went to your blog and it’s empty, dissapointed, I declare you amend this 😉

You can’t pick your parents, and sometimes it feels like they’d rather not have picked you, hey. Bugger that. Onwards and upwards!



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