Broken Bella Donna

{April 21, 2012}   Life is a funny thing

I’ve spent… lets be honest, the past 8, 9 months feeling strung out about today. Such a simple social outing I used to enjoy so much, ruined by spazz attacks and the weirdness surrounding my good self (!) and a ‘friend’.

I rearranged my time and committments in order to try and avoid today; I bailed from my responsibilities and tried to re-write expectations so that I could get out of even attending. Events conspired to force my hand and off I went anyway.

If I can interject here (and I can ’cause this is my blog), the big theory with spazz attacks is that you’re supposed to meet them head on and get past the fear. I’ve never been a fan of that and have – in the past – avoided them until my brain had forgotten how much it hated them, and then eased myself back into it – with varying levels of success.

Today, life forced me to meet them head on. Though I can’t really say that, as for some epically strange – and wonderful reason – I just never felt that concerned. I spent more time wondering WHEN I would start feeling scared, then I did actually thinking I would. Either way, it didn’t happen and I was able to attend – and speak with the offending, stress inducing person, without any cause for concern. Lets hope that this now means this chapter is closed, and I can go back to enjoying my day out and helping my community without fear of… whatever it was I feared. Failure? Letting them down? Inappropriate behaviour from others? Letting myself down? All, or none of the above? Who knows.

Either way it feels good, and this win should be enough to motivate me towards the next one, knowing that I can – and will – get past them! đŸ™‚


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