Broken Bella Donna

{May 4, 2012}   Jeebus!

I’m Jonesing for some attention here.

The joy of space between now and then has given me some insight into this whole bullshit going down at the moment, and I have worked out a lot of it but DAMN I’d forgotten the rush of having a man really, truly show an interest in me.

It’s such a rush, and it’s so good for the ego – I felt like my old self there for awhile. Instead of this lonely washed up shell of myself. And yes, I do appreciate just how sad and pathetic that really is, that I judge myself on others opinion of me. I validate myself as a person on how attractive men find me. Yes I’m aware that’s pathetic. So sue me.

I’d also forgotten how much I enjoyed just talking to someone, someone who appreciates my opinion and wants to talk. Someone who listens and doesn’t just talk at me, with no real requirement for my input, just for me to listen. Someone who is my age and intelligence level. I’d forgotten how nice it was to have a friend who cares about you, even if I haven’t spoken to this person enough to know they ‘care’. I’d forgotten how much I miss having a friend. And that isn’t pathetic – that’s just sad 😦

He’s breezed in, reminded me of all this that I missed, and breezed back out.



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