Broken Bella Donna











{May 14, 2012}  

OH boy did I speak too soon. Spazzed out the morning of the Spazz Inducing Incident. Not the worst attack I’ve had but certainly not comfortable. Came with a variety of interesting and new things… this is the thing I’m hating at the present. My spazz attacks seem to have evolved slightly with new and interesting symptoms, which I’ve never had before. Things I’m not used to dealing with – things that are more akin to other variations of my spazz attacks, not the ones I’m used to.

Good news was that it was only just before I left, and immediately before I calmed down to perfect serenity and saw nary another symptom for the rest of the day – how I used to be, before last years surprise spazz attacks, where it was rolling and constant all day. That was not fun.

Weird news is that immediately after the dry heaves attacks, I felt completely calm – like there was some strange spasm that my body had to be rid of before I could calm down. Both times. Strange.

I have been trialing some breathing and relaxation exercises and I’m concerned that in some weird way, trying to alter my breathing has caused some weird reaction. I’ve never had success in the past, it often makes me light-headed, I breathe quite shallowly and that’s what I’m used to.

On a related note – I think it’s due to the cold weather we’re having at the present – but I’ve had this occasional weird feeling in my chest on and off for the last few days, almost like a pressure, like something is sitting on me, or there’s something else in my chest preventing me from breathing properly, and sometimes it makes me quite wheezy. Really I’m just all out of sorts in the chest department.

Other that my spazz attacks and their ongoing pain in my arse-ness, things are just going along.

Next step in My Big Project is going ahead early next week, weather permitting.

If only I could get going on, and catch up with my studies, and kick these spazz attacks in the arse – life would be good at the present. Even in my friend-less state.

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