Broken Bella Donna











{June 15, 2012}   I never learn.

I have GOT to learn to shut up.   I start trying to blow sunshine up my own arse, or feel positive, or generally do anything happy… I get slapped in the face with a brick.

Without going into depressing details, after some time of surprise seizures followed with complete amnesia (not me but someone very, very close), things have finally started to smooth over again. Time will tell if it has been resolved or simply put aside for another day, but in the meantime the ongoing stress of “what?” or possibly “when?” will hang over my head like a dark, concerning cloud.

Positive note is throughout all, I did not have any spazz attacks, and didn’t even go off my food which I *always* do.

And tomorrow is the spazz inducing day (for the fourth time this year – five to go) so we’ll see if everything goes smoothly in the lead up – so far so good. I don’t feel any worries at this stage. Fingers crossed for a good nights sleep.

Are the vitamin supplements still doing their job? Would I have handled the past 10 days any differently without them? Who knows.

Needless to say, The Big Project hasn’t progressed, it has been put on the back burner whilst we dealt with more pressing issues. Hopefully will commence again soon. I have been spending some time contemplating other facets of it though, and have made some new decisions (I think, I’m very indecisive at the best of times) which will help down the track.

My ongoing mental health is also not helped by a virus that seems to be doing the rounds in the local area. I have just finished week four of it, and am quite frankly, well fucking over it. Tired of feeling tired and tired of this thick snotty mucus blocking everything up. (Believe it or not, this DOES affect my mental health – snot = makes me feel ill = fear of throwing up = spazz attacks) Maybe time to hit the horseradish and garlic tablets again?

In spite of ongoing sleepy virus’, weird brain misfires and general weirdness… life is not bad.

Oh, coroner is still threatening that maybe, one day soon, perhaps, down the track, when he’s ready, on the off chance, maybe next week but DEFINETELY SOON… we might have a friggen decision. I don’t even know what all this putting off could possibly mean, whether it could be for or against us?

So tired. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

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