Broken Bella Donna











{July 1, 2012}  

Mmm. Fifth installment went stress free. Sixth is next and not only comes with the added bonus of the fundraising organisation, but also now comes with the reinvention of the ex’s horny attentions. Oh yes. For some reason he’s back to his solar boob gazing best. (Don’t look at the boobs too long, they’re like the sun, your retinas will burn. So flicker frantically between eyes and boobs for maximum boob fill whilst still pretending you’re paying attention to the conversation.) And again with the friggen comments.

Every time I manage to relax and sort out my brain he steps back up with his bullshit. I know it’s all him, and not me and I know I’m not going to do anything but it causes me so much stress. I never know how to react and become so wound up leading up to situations when I know I’ll see him, which unfortunately is often. And it’s unavoidable. I haven’t been taking my magical supplements so I will resume that again tomorrow, and see if that winds me back down at all. In the meantime I’m just going to avoid anything to do with him, and make sure that when I’m in a situation with him that I do nothing to provoke his behaviour. It’s so frustrating, to be in this position, to be worrying about something that someone else is doing wrong and I have little to no control over.

He makes me feel like an awkward twelve year old and not in a good way.

So anyway.

Finally made some progress on my studies and am tentatively positive I may have a unit mostly completed by next weekend. Huzzah. Still puts me epically behind but I work well to a deadline, pressure is good – as they say, if you want something done, give it to a busy person. I work best when busy. So I’m feeling much more positive on that front – if I can only catch up there, then I’ll have very little excuse not to be happy.

No progress on The Big Project – next step involves borrowing something from the horny ex, so I’m reluctant.

So where does this leave me in life?

Things aren’t too shabby. I feel like I’m opening myself up to massive trauma now, as in the last… err, forever… every time I feel good about life, something fucks up, and every time I blog about feeling good the shit hits the fan bigtime. But I don’t believe in that sort of bullshit so I’m gonna keep throwing positive out there into the blogosphere, until things work out!

Bring it on, bitch!

Yawns. Time to go to bed and warm up the old tootsies.

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