Broken Bella Donna











{July 30, 2012}  

Oh man.

It’s nearly one am. I am freezing cold – it’s in minus figures out – can hardly feel my fingers and toes in spite of the heater doing it’s job. Would dearly love to be in bed… but can’t see sleep being on my to-do list for tonight.

Sitting up with my girl. After a weeks worth of broken sleep due to tummy troubles between her and my dog, it’s flared up in my old girl badly this time… we’re off to the vet in the morning to work out if it’s just a bug or something more serious. I can’t keep these nights up. They’ll just have to bloody well work something out, the old girl has been through enough without adding this to the list. And I can’t handle many more nights of no sleep. And nor can those who live with me!

At this late hour, it’s hard to find anything positive in life. I suppose the fact that I can in fact think that thought is a good start.

And at least I have the Olympics to keep me company! Like many, I take a sudden interest in sports that at any other stage I couldn’t give less of a shit about, and become a sudden expert in them. It’s the Australian way. And I suspect the way of a variety of countries, in fact.

Still pondering life… the spazz attacks have most certainly abated – life has calmed and I’m feeling like there is an end to this after all. I’d like to say I have no idea what caused all the problems to flare up again, but I have my suspicions and to allow one small part of my life to control the rest is sad and frustrating, but how it rolls for me. Control that aspect and most of the rest will fall into place. For now, it is in place, and I’m feeling better about things. I just have to maintain my current state of mental health, and take care not to allow myself to be in a position where things just build up and take over again – I need to concentrate on maintaining my own equilibrium. This should be my goal, for this decade in my life. I can function in a (more or less) ‘normal’ fashion if I take care, and do not over commit, do not allow myself to be used and expected of. And remember to pop my supplements whenever I start feeling like things are getting on top of me.

Which reminds me, I should thank the person who put me onto them.

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