Broken Bella Donna

{March 23, 2013}  

What is the difference between love, and being in love? Can anyone explain this?

How do you know the difference? When you love someone, as just a friend vs when you love someone as something more? I am incapable of telling the difference. This makes things difficult between myself and those around me.


I am not going to make this post about you. I need to focus on something else.

My spazz inducing occasions will be back in full force in a fortnight. I don’t know how I feel about that yet. I’m disorganised, and not ready for them but things will pull together in time. So that should be ok. Having lists and remembering stuff is a good way to relax me and sort things out in my head. and the main spazz inducing problem – the ex – has been silent of late and we’ve seen little of each other so that is relaxing me too. Really, I have no excuses to become concerned, but that doesn’t mean much at all. If I think about it long enough I get little butterflies in my belly, which could turn into nothing, or could turn into a spazz attack, so time will tell on that front. Will have to keep hitting up my vit b tabs in the meantime and see, I suppose. At least I’ve stopped having random spazz attacks relating to food lately, but then again, they’re easily avoided by simply not eating on the day.

So, something positive? Let me think of something in life right now that is making me happy.

I’m watching my new puppy goofing around with his toys. He makes me laugh, a lot. He is a sweet little thing, so full of potential and fun, love and trust, he could be anything – if I work extra special hard to make sure his life is wonderful. The first fortnight he was here I was just holding him at arms reach… unsure if I wanted to get emotionally involved in another dog, so soon after losing my girl. My dog also had a hard time bonding with the new addition but now they are firm friends, and play together which has made my acceptance a lot easier. My loyalty lay with my dog, and I didn’t want to bond with the pup too much if it was going to be at cost of my dogs loyalty. So now I have two boys. One older, loving, goofy, loyal, love of my life… the other a small little heart wrapped in fur. I hope he never changes – the love of a pup is a magical thing, all excitement and adoration.

Life is padding along at the usual speed – one not too taxing, at yet not fast enough to reach the milestones I’m impatient to discover. And yet, just at the right speed for me to learn the lessons I must learn.

I suppose that realisation is a lesson learnt in itself.


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