Broken Bella Donna

{January 2, 2014}   Meeeeeeeeeeemories

5th October 2013 – stream of consciousness

Go with the flow

Cold hands… warm heart? Not likely. Cold heart. Cold hard bitch, just a kiss on the lips… but it wasn’t all that you needed, was it? Evidently not.

We all need a little something… some of us need a lot of something. What do I need a lot of? Hope. Where there is hope, there is always a way and if we didn’t have hope, what would we have? A lot of people sitting around waiting to die.

And who’s waiting to die? Old people and suicidal people. So what if you’re an old, suicidal person? Does it cancel itself out, two negatives make a positive? And once it becomes a positive, does it cease to cancel and you revert back to either being A) old or B) suicidal? Eroberus. I wish I knew how to spell that. Note to self: don’t use words you can’t spell, or can’t pronounce.

I’m a pretty good speller. I’m not a great pronouncer. Pronouncerer?

I glance around and I can see a million things that represent me, who I am, what I am. Ok maybe not a million. My football team and code, my favourite colour, my preference in underwear. My voluntary work, my style of clothing, my taste in books. My pets, my preference for cows. But not as pets. Or at least the sort you find inside. My abilities and my disabilities. If all these things were go be taken away though, would I cease to be me? No. So they aren’t representative of me at all, they’re merely things I choose to surround myself with. Now there’s a sobering thought.

Perhaps there is one thing in my life that is tangible, but not breathing, that truely represents me, that perhaps I would cease to be me if I lost. If I lost it in such a fashion that I could never regain it, or any of its relatives.

Damn. This post isn’t quite working out to be the literary masterpiece I had in mind.


Yeah. I like that version better.

A soul to save. A tree to hug. A child to comfort. A song to sing. A project to finish. A photo to take. A book to read. A thought to share. An idea to have. A shoulder to touch. A favour to do.


I’m getting closer to an answer! I just don’t know the GODDAMN QUESTION YET.


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