Broken Bella Donna

{January 5, 2014}   So, 2014 is here!

As I have repeatedly said to anyone and everyone – here, via email, in real life, by interpretive dance and the odd sky writing… I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions. I like to call them New Year Revolutions because it’s inevitable that most people will do an about face and change nothing by January 15.

Because of this I never make them… but I do make goals, and try and achieve them as best I can. Some might say ‘that’s the same thing!’ (it isn’t), some might say that’s the pikers way out because ‘try to achieve’ and ‘do’ are very different things (do or do not, there is no try kinda people) but I think it’s just a more realistic way of looking at it. There’s no point making hard and fast rules that most people won’t attain, because then you’re left feeling down because you didn’t get there. Leave yourself some wriggle room, I say, to learn what you can and can’t achieve, and build on those you can. Win! It isn’t an excuse to not try, but it is a chance to congratulate yourself, not berate.

Needless to say one of my goals is once again to complete My Big Project. This one goes without saying. I have reviewed the financial situation and am seriously thinking about employing someone else to get me past the step that I’m caught up in now, as it seems the person who has been helping me has lost motivation and I can’t do it alone. Once that is done it really is fairly smooth sailing (I think) to completion, but I’ve made the mistake of thinking that before…

Another reoccurring offender for me is to get fitter and tone up a little – this of course is an ongoing process and will never be ‘finished’. Which is another reason I feel it’s better as a goal as opposed to a resolution. Ideally I want to feel as fit as I used to when I had a very laborious physical job, and I want to tone up a few problem areas – if I was to lose about 6, 7 kg in the process I wouldn’t say no either! Anyway I did manage to achieve a few dietary changes last year, and I want to continue with them this year and also aim to incorporate a few exercises. This has proven to be my biggest problem – finding exercises that work, that I can do and that fit into my lifestyle. I have found two and already started, so hoping to see some improvement on that front early in 2014 – if I keep them up. I don’t have personal scales and rarely weigh myself, so I’ll be judging success of my dietary chances and efforts to tone up simply by how my clothes fit, and how I feel within myself – which to me are the best indicators. But I have to remember to focus on how I FEEL, my health… and not on what others think about me. I want to be the best me that I can be, not the one that wants to lose weight to look better to other people, to make other people envious. I want to be healthy and fit, to look after myself. I don’t want to feel bloaty and blah. I want to bounce out of bed!

I would love to put ‘conquer my spazz attacks’ onto this list, but I’m still yet to work out just how to go around doing that. I do feel that having my own kingdom to rule will help as I can incorporate calming techniques there, and I also think feeling fitter will help. I’m told exercising is good for spazz attacks, esp cardio as it expands your lung span and helps assist breathing. So with any luck if I can achieve the above, relief from spazz may follow naturally. Of course, I will continue looking into natural treatments and use them where possible, as I’ve had success there in the past.

I have a million things I’d love to list – stop worrying so much about my pets health, be easier on myself, don’t judge myself on what others think about me (primarily the mothership), stop getting so stressy about the married ex and letting him get me so worked up I have spazz attacks just thinking about social occasions where we’ll be forced to be near each other…but none of those things I can put a proper goal on – they’re in my head. They are things that I can’t achieve by setting aims, they’ll simply… happen. Or they won’t. I can’t put a time on it. They are part of a chain reaction, and I feel I have to achieve other goals before these ones will naturally fall into place.

You know what I’d like to do in 2014? Make a few blog friends.


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