Broken Bella Donna











{February 2, 2014}  

Still feeling a bit meh. Fairly sure it’s almost entirely to do with my boys health. He is still quiet, out of sorts, not playing. Occasional fads of enthusiasm, to make me think he’s happy, then back to the panting and anxious face. Stress stress! I could give him as asprin and he would cheer up, but if he’s getting any surgery it would put it off. So instead I don’t give him any in case, then I’m too scared to go to the vets, and it gets put off anyway. I have something I’m keen to try, a natural remedy but I REALLY should get him to the vet first. It’s just… ugh.

Had a fight with the mothership and sibling  yesterday. Over the whole job thing. I came across them talking in muted tones about how I was never offered the job anyway and basically I was being a drama queen. Sibling told the mothership that I felt that the mothership was playing favourites and pushing everything offered to me towards sibling because she liked sibling better. Which is all fact, but also something we’d discussed in confidence. So I’m pissed with mothership for re-writing history to make her sound better, and with sibling for blabbing everything I said in private conversation. Both have tried pretending I never walked into a convo where they were talking about me, both are now playing the victim because I snapped at them when they tried being normal. Fucks sake. What did they THINK i would do?

So mothership has refused to eat for the past 36 hours – this is what she does when she’s feeling hard done by, she martyrs herself.

I cut my hand cooking dinner last night and no one has noticed. This childishly annoys me a lot more than it should. Due to the placement of the cut, I’ve had to wrap tape around the bandaid to hold it on, so I have white taped wrapped around the back of my hand in two different spots and tape obscuring most of my palm. You’d think this would be noticeable enough for someone to notice and look even mildly concerned that I had hurt myself making a meal for them, wouldn’t you. I’ve even deliberately placed the offending hand in line of sight twice… nope. It feels like it’s almost… representative of my life at the present. No matter how many times I put myself there and say… hey! What about me? I am over looked and no one cares about my pain.

Wow was that some self absorbed wah wah.

I feel like blogging but have pretty much nothing to say. It’s so hot today, sleeping is probably going to be uncomfortable tonight.

Happies.

  • I completed a 30 day challenge regarding my health – and hardly missed a day. Ok so I didn’t achieve the goals set, but I did keep trying instead of giving up. I’m hoping to continue it too.
  • My new phone arrived and has better coverage, so I’m happy with it and just have to learn how to use it. Now I just need to offload the other one…
  • My boychild is chomping on a bone as we speak, which is something he’s always loved to do  but has stopped recently. Hopefully this is another step towards him becoming his old self again soon 🙂
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