Broken Bella Donna











{February 28, 2014}  

Soooo.

Not sure how I feel right now. Have felt slighly spazzy but not really. I think it’s because I know the Spazz Inducing Community Commitment is starting up again soon and I’m anticipating it being a problem for my mental health (that’s how my spazz attacks work – the anticipation of an attack causes attacks, and yet when the moment arrives I rarely feel spazzy, having spazzed the whole lead up…) That and the health of my old boy has been all over the shop. A diagnosis of arthritis in multiple areas and the follow up of a natural treatment has been successful. But that has left his personality change to worry about (may have a resolution on that front, just in the process of trialling it now) and a questionable (but likely innocent) bump. I’d just be rapt to get my baby boy back, personality wise. That’s the goal.

So other than that? Still hardly talking to the sibling. I thought refusing to tell them things; my concerns, my thoughts, my feelings… would be hard. But it isn’t. I’m polite, but I have no interest in giving them the ammo to stab me in the back again. I will not have my thoughts and feelings parroted back to others again. So that’s official – I have no one to tell the every day, little random thoughts that pop up. No friends, no family to tell anything to. I suppose it’s good practice for when I live alone.

Studies have started up again and I am already being slack and not doing it (must be a record). Worky stuff is still working and everything chugs along in a boring fashion, not worthy of being noted.

And I continue to think of brilliant things to blog about every time I am away from a computer and fail to remember any of them when I can actually do something about it.

And for reasons completely beyond me, at my age… lately I have been convinced that everytime is a word. And keep trying to use it.

I am sort of making an attempt to my ongoing fitness for 2014… I am (irregularly) continuing the exercise I started early in the year, and sporadically attempting the cardio I had hoped to do regularly before I wrecked my legs in the process. Motivation, inclination and disinterest are all sticking points, but then again, so is my fat gut so… dunno if what I’m doing is making any difference but surely the attempts are forward progress. I have still managed to maintain my dietary change from November last year, and I’m more surprised than anyone. After four months it might be time to try and ring in another one to join it… question is… what?

I have been joining in on the 100 Happy Days project and am up to day 14 already without missing a beat, and only cheating once by using a photo I’d taken on a different day. I’m not finding it at all hard to be happy, or find things that make me happy but struggling to find things I want to take a photo of and show to others…

On that note, I’m tired and it’s past my bedtime. But first I will try and come up with my lovely list of positivity.

  • clean houses
  • getting a sale for the mobile I bought that failed to be a success for me. So that’s that out of the way.
  • the new phone I bought to replace it, best phone ever.
  • the weather being cool enough for flannel pyjamas
  • FINALLY getting some hands on advice for the next step of The Big Project
  • when recipes turn out just right
  • aftershave
  • being greeted by snuggly pets so happy to see you when you get home
  • awesome tv shows finally coming back on tv
  • my bed x
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