Broken Bella Donna











{August 16, 2014}   Not Happy Jan.

Have had a handle on  my spazz attacks again lately, they seemed to drift off as quickly as they set in. Until recently I had no idea why, and then I think I hit paydirt.

There was a guy there. He recognised me from our childhood, tho I still have NFI who he is. There’s something about him… that makes me nervous. Apprehensive. I got to thinking that perhaps my sixth sense picked up on something and wanted me the hell away from him. I realised that the first day I started to settle down, he wasn’t there… in hindsight he hasn’t been there for weeks, and I have been calmer for weeks. I think these things may be related? Even tho I was nervous BEFORE the first game, BEFORE I knew he was there and my sixth sense ain’t THAT good.

I just found out he’s back. The regular Spazz Inducing voluntary commitments are over, but as per usual there’s one tagged on the end (expected) and that’s going to be twice as big as usual. And now I know he’ll be there. When I saw his name my heart leaped into my throat. It stopped cold. Ugh.

I have a fortnight to get over it. I need to reason with my brains.

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