Broken Bella Donna











{August 26, 2014}  

I have the most immense headache. And shark week is nearly upon me. And I’m just utterly, thoroughly… over it all.

I’m not going to sit here and bleat about how I don’t UNDERSTAND and WHY do I feel crap. I know what it is. It’s my silly brain being brainy.

It’s a combination of things, all around the one topic – the spazz inducing voluntary commitment. The surprise one last weekend. I was mentally prepared for only ONE of these extras tagged on the end. Now don’t get me wrong, last weekend was successful, and I didn’t even spazz out about it. But it turns out my brain was only prepared to go through the thought processes, the planning, the extra running around for only ONE of these and that’s been done. And now I have to back it up again and do it all again in a mere few days time and I can’t bring myself to give a shit.

That, coupled with the fact that I’ve got that standard ‘brain checked out long before the commitment has ended’ problem.

I am tired, constantly. My back and shoulders are pretty much permanently sore like I’ve been doing physical labour all day. I’m yawning and looking for bed within an hour of getting out of it. I can’t concentrate and I simply don’t care. My appetite is gone and things I’d usually look forward to don’t interest me that much. I’m forgetting to do stuff that I’d NEVER forget to do. On the flipside I also can’t bring myself to get stressed out about things that would usually bother me, which is both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps this is what ‘normal’ people feel like – this disinterest in being spazzy. This laconic ‘oh well close enough’ attitude.

I cannot wait until the day after the last commitment. I’m relying on bouncing out of bed, free of spazz hanging over my head, ready to get stuck into all the things I’ve neglected to do. Dunno what I’m going to do if that doesn’t eventuate. But I’m planning on celebrating all the same!

Tomorrow I get to work on My Big Project. Sadly slightly out of order of what I’d hoped, but hey progress is progress. It’s all good. Just makes a little more work for me down the track but it won’t cost me anything and that’s the important thing!

I’m going cross eyed with the effort of keeping my eyes open and concentrating.

  • Remaining spazz free in the face of triggers
  • How adorable my boys are and their ongoing health and well being
  • Progress on MBP
  • Successful new recipes and cooking techniques that are healthy!
  • Finally doing my tax return
  • having the ability and energy to get jobs done, even when I don’t feel like it
  • Winding down in bed with the boys playing on my tablet

 

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