Broken Bella Donna











{December 11, 2014}   Change

I have a blog entry in my head about change. All about how I am not the person I used to be, how I’ve changed so much, how I have nothing in common with the old me. How sometimes I wonder if this is a positive of negative thing. But for some weird reason every time I sit down to blog about it, it wont come out. It has been there, in my brain for months… maybe even over a year. But it just wont. Come. Out.

In fact… there’s a lot in my head that I can’t access at the moment. I’m unsure why but I can’t seem to unlock my brain and let all of the stagnant oil out. I am pottering along, putting one foot in front of the other, without any ability to drain my brain of the clutter within. This isn’t bothering me as much as it has in the past.

Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not bad. I’m not sad, or in a weird place. I am, all things considering pretty chipper. I am once again at peace with where things are at with PP, in fact more so than I was prior to the last meeting of the minds.  He has vanished into the wild blue yonder once again and I honestly don’t mind at the present. But I’m still unsure as to whether or not I feel like he’s coming back this time, or perhaps I am just at peace with the concept that his job is done and that’s that. It’s still worrying.

But it is frustrating… as I would like to blog. I would like to record the things that are rattling around this wee head of mine, as talking shit over helps my brain to line it all up, as is well documented on here. Perhaps there’s nothing to blog out? I find that hard to believe.

So.

A fortnight out from Christmas and I am hoping this one is better than the last. Present shopping is about done. No plans with family or anything at this stage, so looking to be a day the same as any other, but with  more food.

Still no progress on TBP due to injury. Which is a shame as I’ve been a bit keen to get started on it again. Hopefully be back to 110% fitness again shortly and can resume, and take some more steps towards ridding myself of the toxic environment I find myself in! The aforementioned injury has also curtailed my new jogging habits, but so is the weather. It’s looking sadly like that might be another of my fitness/health kicks that is short lived – boo.

It feels like I’m  blogging for the sake of blogging now.

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