Broken Bella Donna

{March 26, 2015}   So I have a transferance problem.

I once had a boyfriend… who for whatever reason worshiped the ground I walked on. I wasn’t as into the relationship as he was – loved him as a friend but nothing more. So I ended up getting OTT into an artist who he resembled, because, well, I suppose he was safer for me to worship. No expectations.

Then I had a friend who was very keen on me, and I dunno, given more time and effort perhaps I could’ve gotten more into him but I didn’t. Instead, I found a comedian who I really liked and focused all my energy into watching him and getting into him.

It doesn’t take a genius to realise that I am transferring my affections, attention, whatever onto ‘safer’ subjects that still represent people closer to me in my head. People who wont threaten my carefully erected walls, wont make me leave my comfort zone. It dawned on me today that I’m not doing that this time around. Is that because there’s no one similar, or because I don’t want to?

Life is plugging away. I have nothing going on in my head that I feel like blogging about other than the two topics that are constantly visited in this blog. I feel like I am in some sort of rut… and that perhaps this rut is contributing towards my spazz, and that if I could only get away from this record on permanent rotation in my head, perhaps I could move away from this rut and the spazz attacks. But then, last time I tried to do that I got stuck into MBP and that in turn caused the spazz attacks to flare. That’s a whole other blog entry – why MBP seems to be a trigger for spazz attacks.

I need to balance out recent concerns and whinges with a positive list!

  • healthy eating
  • snuggling on cold nights
  • lavender
  • friends to dismantle situations with
  • cake

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