Broken Bella Donna

{December 9, 2012}  


Feeling a little tense.

Tomorrow I will be going to spend time with the one person who I know as a fact has actively disliked me in the not-so-distant past, and could well still. The one person who probably has the best reason to – for reasons outside of *my* control, I might add. But all the same.

Tomorrow I am off to meet with the significant other of the man who keeps inappropriately hitting on me.

I know what you’re thinking. I know, I know, I keep putting myself in these positions and wondering why I get so stressed about it. I keep trying to rid my life of spazz inducing situations, and yet turn around and do something like this. But job opportunities are few and far between around here and I have to take what I can get. This is causing me grief on a number of fronts…

  • it’ll be doing something I have no experience in
  • I am putting myself in a position where I can find myself alone with this guy and he’s already proven what he’ll do in those situations
  • I am putting myself with someone I know dislikes me
  • I’m fairly confident I’m going to not want this job in about a months time and I wont know how to walk away

The list of cons may be long, but the pro list – albeit short – is very good. It is going to help me complete My Big Project faster, and better.

On the other hand…

  • Experience is something you can only gain with practice, and I know I can do this once I learn.
  • There’s always the chance that I can remove myself from the awkward situation of finding myself alone with him, or spending time with her by simply removing myself and doing this job from my own home – it’s a possibility and something I intend to discuss tomorrow, when we meet to negotiate. Even if it doesn’t happen now, it may happen just as soon as My Big Project is complete and that’s pretty good incentive!
  • And who REALLY wants to do their job all the time, anyway? Not wanting to do something is no reason to not do it. Man up and get over it, I say!

Thanks Blog, just typing this has made me feel better about it.

This guy, and the chance of being singled out by him and receiving his unwanted attentions is what has caused a lot of – nay, probably ALL of my spazz over the last couple of years. This may well be the chance I’ve needed (yet avoided) to just force myself to deal with him. To get over it and build the confidence I need to get back to my spazzless self. I worked very hard over ten years to get to where I was, and I’d like very much to get back there. If only he knew!

(I’m also hoping he will settle down and leave me alone if he sees me getting friendly with his missus, that he’ll be scared I’ll tell her. Or he’ll get uncomfortable because he’s seen me in his home, with his children, and it’ll be the proverbial – and literal ‘too close to home’. Perhaps he’ll get WORSE and I’ll have to give him a verbal slap down. It’s been awhile… he’s probably about due).

RIGHT. Onwards and upwards.

Progress is progressing with My Big Project. Finally made the next step, which was all my own (MBP is now insulated!), so now preparing to take the next one which is also all my own but with a touch of assistance (I need big strong men). That’s when it starts to get super exciting again, and I’m so close to finished I can smell it.

Have gained a diagnosis for my bitch, which is great, but it’s something I am choosing not to treat, which is not so great. Treatment does not lengthen life, but simply makes it more comfortable and I feel I can do the same thing homopathically with dietary and lifestyle changes, and considering the treatment is very uncomfortable for the dog and VERY expensive for me… no thanks. We’re doing ok so far! Nice to have a diagnosis, gives us a plan of attack. Nicer to have some success in reversing some of the symptoms though.

Feeling more festive this year, feeling like getting into Christmas. This year we’re having a big family gathering, so hoping the extra people around doesn’t stress me out and stop me from enjoying stuffing my cake hole.

et cetera