Broken Bella Donna











{March 21, 2012}  

(I hate hate HATE coming up with post names. I have left this one untitled until I think of a good one – lets hope that happens by the end of this post…)

Soooo.

Shit it’s chilly tonight.

Cat spent overnight at the vet. Came home, still no idea. Still wont eat so if it doesn’t sort that out by tomorrow we’ll be back off again. I’m kinda tired of having a vet that sends 75% of animals home with the diagnosis of  ‘dunno’… it’s just not good enough, but when you live outside of a populated, built up area you kinda get used to having second class everything. Fingers crossed he’s better by tomorrow.

God, I keep feeling bad about blogging about my boring life shit. I keep feeling that if I haven’t got anything to say worth reading, nothing stimulating or intelligent, that I’m letting some sort of side down. Which is crap as my blogging has always been narcissistic and used as a vent. It’s why I’m hardly blogging these days… I just… don’t think anyone wants to read my snivelling crap.

I hate KFC’s ‘goodification’ campaign. Like the budding generation these days need the encouragement to invent words. Especially stupid ones.

Life isn’t proving too stressful at the moment, in spite of the fact my #1 stress inducer is starting up again in a month. And the cat is chucking up blood. And my ex job (that I’m still too bloody involved in, in an advisory capacity) is chucking up some very tricky issues ATM. I’ve stopped feeling spazzy  every time I go to bed, and stopped feeling spazzy whenever I think of spazz inducing situations. This means I’m getting life under control again. For now? Hopefully for good.

Trying not to get overly excited, but ATM my current job is looking promising to not only continue, but to perhaps grow. I’ll never make a lot of money, not even enough to be considered a real ‘job’ however it, plus a few other small month making schemes will hopefully add up to enough to live on, if I’m frugal. And I am. Grew up in a povo situation so I’m used to it. I’m a demon at saving, and pinching pennies until they scream, so it should be all good.

You know, I wonder if I’m feeling more settled due to that? If I think about it, perhaps the spazz attacks started around the same time my previous work fell through? That, coupled with the inappropriate advances… hrm. I think I’m onto something. Wow. I’ve been writing it off to my weirdness, and it may have boiled down to good old fashioned financial insecurity.

I’ve spent so long – the last 16 years – being so freaked out by the silliest little things, now I don’t realise when I’m legitimately worried by something. Ain’t that something.

Thank you blog, for letting me dribble my way towards another epiphany!

I need a haircut. I swore recently I was going to dye my hair an awesome colour. Still trying to get the nerve to go bubblegum pink.

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{March 7, 2012}   Tempting fate.

Gosh it’s chilly today.

So I’m feeling positive and good, and in the time honoured fashion of being glass half FULL, I’m gonna blog about it. Recent history states that this will inevitably give me a shit run very soon and cause my spazz attacks to come back, but I’m just going to risk it. I don’t want to be a Negative Ninny. I will laugh in the face of danger! Muah ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

*ahem*

Lovin’ this time of year in the garden. Eating home grown produce, hoarding what we can and preserving the rest. I’m enjoying that last aspect especially, as it makes me feel very Earth Mother. I really do enjoy knowing that we are living off the land where we can, and independent of all the chemicals and bullshit – and saving so much money in the process. I also enjoy the challenge of trying to find new recipes to use up some of the excess produce that can’t be stored or sold. It helps that I just enjoy cooking.

Apart from the fact it’s so sodding COLD atm, being outside is just lovely. Watching the last of the produce ripen, knowing that the season is drawing to a close at work (less work more money!)… lovely. Days getting colder and life creeping closer to one of my spazz inducing situations – not so lovely.

Creeping around the fringes of progress with The Big Project. Perhaps by next time I blog…. I’ll have gotten somewhere.

Oh, and another ‘job’ has arrived on the scene, just in time. Some consistent earnings – not much, but it adds up over the year 🙂



{March 2, 2012}   Another review

Here I am – uninspired to blog as late because I’ve CONVINCED myself that every time I blog about being happy, something comes back and buttfucks me into being unhappy again.

Am feeling ok ATM as I’ve managed to earn a little money and get out of the house which is always good. Nothing like getting a good physically laborious job done, and then get paid for it. Over the next two months I’ll be getting yet more paid work from that front, which will all go towards my building project.

Speaking of I got all excited. Have bought an awesome little  industrial chic conversation piece for my lounge, and am hoping to buy a nice (useful this time) industrial piece for my office. I love having something funky to build the idea of the room around, or to pop in the corner to surprise people when they walk in. The individualism of it just… rocks me. I just need to learn how to balance surprising things with the rest of the room, to look classy and matched without looking like an eclectic thrift shop.

Now I’m off to see how spell check likes ‘buttfuck’.



et cetera