Broken Bella Donna

{September 2, 2012}  

I like how this blog doesn’t require me to actually come up with at title. I hate coming up with titles. Perhaps “I hate coming up with titles” would be a good title.


I’m meant to be doing homework, and in my defence I’ve done some… just not enough. But any progress is forward progress, right?

I’ve been too scared to blog lately. Things have been going well, so smoothly… too smoothly. Every time I get on blogging and admire my life and how great it is, everything goes to shit – usually in such a fashion that the world seems too big to deal with and something really bad happens to something I like. I hate this, and I hate it quite a lot. It leaves me only here when things are bad, and thus reading back on this blog makes me look like a loser, a whinger, a whiner… like I think the whole world is out to get me and that I can’t see the positives. This is NOT me. I am very much a glass half full gal. Sadly, the only attention this blog gets from me is glass-completely-empty-and-broken.

Therefore I’m only here because some stuff is crap. Some stuff is great, but the balance seems safe enough to blog about.

Have officially (I think) completed the spazz inducing situation for the year. Unless I get dumped with another, which I’ll know about within the next ten days. Have remained spazz free, which leaves me open to putting this one to bed and not being even remotely concerned about it anymore – like it used to be before it spontaneously turned to shit. Even the last installment, which was bigger and scarier than I had dealt with was FINE. If anything it was more than fine, it was bloody good. The world did not tilt on its axis, I did not spazz out, no one looked poorly upon me. It was all good. No worries on the day, no real worries leading up to it other than good old fashioned normal butterflies. Ergo, I can now finally put that one to bed! Huzzah for me! Alas there goes my social life on the weekends too, but oh well.

I seem to have – I’m almost too scared to type this – a full handle on my spazz attacks again. No more lurking around corners, no threats, no rewriting my life around what may happen. I am feeling confident and in control for now. They flared up in an ugly and annoying fashion for no real reason I can pin point, hung around for long enough to remind me I’m never entirely free of them, and have settled. I made huge steps in my life between the first and second flare ups, lets hope I can progress even more between the second and third – or better yet, let the third never eventuate!

On a less positive note, clouds are hanging around again, in the form of the health of a pet. If you knew me, you’d know that by pet I mean pet child replacement/best friend. A tummy-rattling concoction of tablets seemed to fix the problem for 24 hours but just now has flared up again and is making me a sad panda. Hoping it was a once off accident. Fingers crossed.

If it wasn’t for that, my life would near be perfect at the present. That and the ever lingering sodding homework.

Have also finally taken the next step in The Big Project, after months – err let’s be honest, over a year – of planning. I can now do nearly half of the insulating, and hopefully by the time I get that done the other half will have arrived and I can complete the job. Then (knowing me) I can spend the next bloody year faffing around with the idea of plastering before I actually get around to doing it.

I really need to start setting myself some goals of jobs to complete. I have far, far too many half finished things hanging over my head, in the form of homework, craft projects, Big Project projects… my life is just made up of half arsed attempts at things. Finally getting around to completing things would make me happier, and save me a lot of money in the process.

I bet this idea remains an uncompleted idea. Ha ha!

et cetera