Broken Bella Donna











{February 22, 2012}   How?

How does one change their attitude towards life?

It’s complicated. I always considered myself a glass-half-full kinda gal, but I often find myself just getting So Pissed OFF about some stuff. It’s frustrating. I don’t think I’m hugely negative – I do appreciate the fact that 80% of the population of the world would literally kill to have my ‘problems’, and that whilst I have food in my belly, money in my wallet and a roof over my head I really can’t complain… but I just get jack of getting the raw end of the deal. Just when things start working, something comes along and shits all over them and leaves me scratching my head wondering why I can’t just get a clean break for a change.

And then I get to thinking that maybe the problems that arise are just opportunities, or ‘fate’ telling me to get a move on, or to change my plans or whatever.

It’s just a see saw back and forth between positive and negative and I would like to get rid of the negative. Tho at least I am only ‘half’ negative. SEE. THERE. I DID IT AGAIN.

Grrr.

Life is, as previously described, somewhat up and down. For every positive comes a negative. Actually that’s a life. It’s more a 2/1 ratio so you can’t really bitch about that.

Off shopping tomorrow and I’m getting to pick up THE most AWESOME thing you’ll ever find as a random conversational piece in a lounge room EVER.

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{February 15, 2012}   I have got to learn to shut up

So since I last blogged about how much I was enjoying my new relaxing lifestyle, and the removal of most of my spazz-inducing problems, things have changed – me and my big mouth! (Fingers?)

I’ve been dragged arse-backwards back into two of the most stress inducing things in my life since I last blogged… my local voluntary committment, and my previous job. I can handle them, and I will, but I was SO enjoying not having to worry about them. Frustrating. Must learn to say no.

In spite of all this, managed to have a fun day today in a situation that often (and nearly did) causes me great stress. Met a friend today from the first time, face to face, as she is someone I have known online for some time. It was fun and I really enjoyed it, and I’m proud of the fact that I got through today without flipping my proverbial lid.

It’s been a weird week. Visitors, manic cleaning attacks (arms are still sore, 48 hours later but damn is this house clean!), being dumped back into annoying situations, a brief foray into parenthood (cheap book contact SUCKS), and good old trusty Valentines day – nary even a text for moi. So I bought myself a very nice little industrial chic parking meter for my house, my gift to myself. Ha.



{February 6, 2012}   Blather

I wish I had something to blog about, something nice, I really do. But I don’t, and I’m bored, so here I am.

Really enjoying that the spazz attacks have abated – I thought I had worked out the source, and obviously I had because now it is removed, I feel better. And now I feel better I can start getting some other aspects under control, things I had lost control of, which just adds to my feeling-better-ness. It’s a nasty circle but once on top of it, I’m good to remain there for awhile yet. And it feels like I’m back on top. Huzzah! The source isn’t entirely gone though, just the worst of my involvement in it, but now the pressure is off I think I can deal with it. I really do think that I probably just got in over my head, it isn’t the first time.

The most pleasing thing? I have learnt to walk away. When things get too big, and cause me too much anguish, I’ve finally learnt to just walk away and let it become someone elses problem. Now I just need to ensure that that fine line of ‘dumping your shit on everyone elses doorstep as ‘their problem’ ‘ is never crossed, and we’re good to go.

(I feel kinda bad about blogging when nothing exciting is going on in my life, like I’m just adding boring fluff to my blog and I’ll read back on this and have nothing to be proud about it… but oh well.)

Finally completed my studies for 2011 (yeah yeah, I know) and have resolved what I’m doing for 2012. And 2013 it seems – a two year diploma course. Technically by December 2013 I should be officially allowed to put letters after my name… won’t I be all intelligent and grown up then? Seriously considering taking a year off study then… after 28 years in the education system, it’s probably time I took a lil while off from learning stuff. But I do love learning stuff.

I have fallen in love with nail enamel. I’ve always been a little lazy with this sort of thing – or in fact anything ‘girlie’ – but Avon have released a crackle nail enamel called Mosaic Affects and it’s AWESOME. I have it in black ATM but will also be buying it in white.  And the best part is it’s a top coat, so I can wear a colour until it starts to chip around the top, and then slap this over it to cover up any oopsies and extend the life of the coloured nail enamel. Does it get any better than this? I sound like an ad. I have an event happening on the weekend, so I’ll be going in blue nail enamel with black crackle over the top. Classy.

I have stuff to do. So much rattling around my brain, but none of it is noteworthy and little of it is managing to leak out of my fingertips.



et cetera